You Weaken Me
by Moxxy
Summary: "Short brown hair, freckles, a smoker of cigarrettes (among other substances...) The complete opposite of a barbie doll, yet so much better" A Jarah fic.
1. Barbie Doll Perfection

**Prologue- Barbie Doll Perfection**

The Degrassi set is always a fun place to be; the friendships, the free food, the goofy actors making faces behind the directors' backs. Makeup people harrassing you to stay still like the hardasses they can be, when suddenly ten minutes later they're jumping out from around a corner in attempt to give you a heart attack along with a chuckle. It's an interesting enviroment to be in from 6AM until all hours of the night. However, lately I've found a new reason I look foward to being on set each day. A very..._pretty_ reason.

At first glance, to most people, I'm your typical barbie doll; Tall, blonde, I can sing and dance, model and act. And along with those talents, I'm given unconditional love and respect; always happy along with a "Ken" by my side... Right?

Wrong.

I'm not at all what I may appear to be. I'm so much more, yet so much less. I have hurt inside and a fake smile I wear every single day. I don't have rich, hot guys throwing themselves at me because of my "perfect" barbie doll appearance. Because once you get to know me, I'm not exactly quiet, "seen but not heard" housewife material. I can be weird and crazy and dramatic just like every other girl my age. Which isn't always so attractive to "perfect" men.

And about the whole "Ken" part of that fake scenario... I'm not so sure anyone named Ken would ever be able to please me romantically. You'd never picture a barbie doll being attracted to other "Barbie"'s, would you? That's because I'm not a Barbie. I'm a Sarah.

And that 'pretty' reason that's been attracting me to my work place each day is a Jordan. Short brown hair, freckles, a smoker of cigarrettes (among other substances...). The complete opposite of a barbie doll, yet so much better.


	2. Liquid Knives

**You Weaken Me- Chapter 1  
**  
"He"

"Him"

"Jordan"

The younger fans were ignorant. To many things. For one, they couldn't comprehend the difference between Jordan and 'Adam'. They referred to her with male pronouns in their fan mail and online comments. Sure, they were usually positive things describing how much they appreciated her acting and such.

However, the other thing they were ignorant to were her tears. The effect their ignorance had on her. She tried so hard to keep herself and Adam two separate people. She used makeup, hair extensions, extra revealing outfits... She knew in her head that some people were just plain dumb. But in her heart, she was frustrated.

"Do I really look like a boy?"

"Am I really _that _unattractive as girl? That they can't even see that I am one?"

"Why was I cursed with such a neutral name?"

I'd found her crying in the staff washroom one afternoon. The moment I walked in, she tried her best to rid of the tears. But when they wouldn't stop falling, she even resorted to hibernating into a tiny stall until I ceased my attempt at encouraging words and left.

Her tears were like knives, piercing my chest. It pained me to see her so hurt. But she wouldn't accept any source of comfort. Which should have angered me in some extent, right?

Not really... It only sent me into a fit of tears also.

() ()

"Hey, you! Yeah, _you_!", I heard an obnoxious voice call after me on my way into Epitome. I turned and saw some trashy looking van, illegally parked along the curb. I squinted my eyes trying to see if I had ever seen the driver before. They looked vaguely familiar. "Uh... Yes?"

"Where's Jtodd?"

I walked a bit closer toward the van, "Pardon me?"

"Jtodd. 'Adam'?", the guy used air quotes.

Did they mean Jordan? Before it finally clicked in my head who they were looking for, I heard her soft almost childish voice behind me. "Hey, guys!", She walked passed me as if I wasn't there. As she hopped in the back seat, the obnoxious driver called out to me once again. "See ya, Blondie"

And with that, they were gone.

**A/N: Please review to let me know whether this is worth updating! I promise the next chapter is much longer and we'll actually see Jordy and Sarah interacting. However, it will still be in Sarah's POV.**


	3. Dorky Blonde

"Where is she?"

"Has anyone seen Jordan?"

"Sarah. Sarah. Sarah Elaine Fisher!"

I was broken from my daze by none other than Stephen Stohn. I quickly removed the earbuds from ears. "Sorry, Sir. What is it?"

"Where is the other half of Beckdam? We need to start rehearsal"

My eyes went wide. Our rehearsal was right now? I thought Luke and Alicia were first... Oh God. The last time I'd seen Jordan, she'd hopped into that jerk's van. "Um, well... You see, Jordan-"

"I'm here! I'm here, I'm here, I'm here!", The brunette came rushing in. "I'm so sorry, I was with my mom at her doctor's appointment"

**Lie.**

Stephen just gave a little nod and walked off to attend to some other business.

"Hey!", she said just a bit too happily. And though I'd never admit it, it did bother me how she'd be all sweet on set and then walk past me like I was invisible in front of her juvenile delinquints- I mean friends.

"Where were you?", I asked frantically. "One more second and you would have never heard the end of it from Stohn..."

"I'm sorry! I was busy", she sat down and grabbed her script from her bag.

I quirked an eyebrow in disbelief, "You were here earlier and then you left..."

My statement was ignored.

"Hey guys, we forgot Luke and Alicia's rehearsal was scheduled first, so just run lines for a bit okay?"

We both nodded as our director ran off somewhere in a hurry.

"So... Where were you, exactly?" I gave her a look that showed I wasn't buying any Doctor's appointment excuse.

Jordan sighed. "I was with some friends...", she said avoiding my eyes and looking over her lines.

And that was when I noticed the smell. It was rumored that Jordy was a smoker. And not just of cigarettes. Our fans noticed it before we did. But how could we not have? Her dilated eyes, her extra peppiness and sudden look of death the next day.

But somehow, this little habit of hers made her all the more beautiful to me... She was so un-perfect and I loved that about her.

"M'kay, so let's run lines", she said avoiding any sort of confrontation.

"Okay", I nodded. "Scene three? You start"

After reading over her lines for a minute or so, she looked up at me and began reciting them. "Becky, you know I love you... But if being with me makes your family life _this_ bad, I can't live with myself knowing I'm the cause of all that pain..."

The eye contact.

She was completely in character. One of the things I admired about her most was her dedication. Rehearsals were never a joke to her. There was never laughing at the writers' corny choice of words. She was serious about acting and she loved what she did. And you'd never have to hear her say it aloud to know that.

I recited my lines, nervously holding the intense gaze. "I don't want you feeling guilty. I love you, Jordan. Being with you was my choice and I wouldn't even think of reconsidering"

She gave a slight, confused laugh. "Wait, what...?"

"Oh, um. I believe your line is-"

"No no, it's just that... You said _Jordan_", she quirked an eyebrow at me, waiting for an explanation.

"Oh! Right, sorry. _Adam_. I meant Adam..."

And with a nod of the head, she continued her lines.

() () ()

_"Epitome Studio"_

...

"No. Epitome"

"E-pit-oh-me"

Sigh.

I stepped out of the building to see a very frustrated Jordan attempting at calling a cab.

"How long will that be?"

...

"A whole hour?", she sighed to herself and crossed her arms against her chest, begging her coat to provide more heat to her body.

I walked toward the now red nosed girl. "Hey, hang that up... I'll give you a ride"

She took her phone away from her ear and looked at me in disbelief. "Really? Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Of course. It's too cold to be waiting around for a cab. C'mon"

Jordan smiled gratefully and followed me to my car. "Thank you so much"

"Don't mention it", I smiled half heartedly. It had been a long day. And frankly, she didn't seem to make it any easier. She confused me. Were we even friends? Or was I just her co-worker doing her a favor? I sighed to myself and started up the car, waiting for her to get in before pulling out into the street.

() ()

It had been ten minutes, and we were akwardly stuck in traffic. And I'm _not_ using the word awkward loosely. At all.

I could see her in the corner of my eye... And she was gorgeous. The way the backlights of the car ahead of us made her eyes gleam. It was surreal.

_**M'kay Sarah, that was weird.**_

I know, Self. It was. 

It was way too silent. I just wanted to hop out of the car and run. But that'd probably just increase her outlook on me being awkward.

The brunette beside me let out a heavy sigh then looked at me. "Traffic sucks"

I gave a weak laugh and nodded, staring straight ahead, afraid that if I actually looked at her I might say something and it'd be completely moronic. But she must have taken that as me being snooty and annoyed.

"I'm so sorry about this, do you need gas money?", she began to reach into her wallet.

"No! No no no. It's no trouble Jordan, really!" I dared to give her a short glance as I spoke.

The smirk. She wore that playful little smirk that Adam always gave Becky when she was being a dork. Sigh. She thinks I'm a dork. Which I am... Around her, at least.

"Call me Jordy"

Saywut.

I failed to hide my idiotic grin. "Jordy. Right..."

() ()

We pulled up in front of her place in what now seemed to be a much too short amount of time. It was funny, really. The first half of the ride went by painfully slow...and quiet. The second half was filled with laughter and music and talking and it went by so fast.

"Wow", I looked out my window and squinted my eyes looking at her house. "It's very...Canadian"

I turned to see her quirking an eyebrow at me. "...What?"

"Um..." I waved off what I had said. "Nothing, nothing"

Her house looks Canadian? What does that even mean? I should just stop talking around this chick...

"Uh...", she let out a laugh before opening her door. "M'kay. Well thanks for the ride"

I nodded smiling. "My pleasure"

She smiled this curious sort of smile as if she just couldn't figure me out. Jordy got out of the car and began walking toward her house. I was watching to make sure she got in okay, when she turned around and asked the question that made me mentally squeal.

"Would you like to come in?"

**A/N: Whelp, there ya go... some cutsie Jarah. And I promise Sarah won't be **_**that**_** dorky throughout the fic. I honestly just did that for kicks. xD And I'm guessing a "Canadian" looking house is just...traditional?**

Anywho. Review, lovies :* Reviews make me update much faster. 


	4. Truth or Dare

**Warning: Any ooc-ness is due to Jarah's intoxication. Whoops, spoiler.**

It had gotten quiet again. Not awkwardly quiet. But quiet, nonetheless. So somehow, wine had gotten incorporated into this spontaneous hang out.

"Truth or Dare?", I asked randomly.

"Depends. Is this going to be some crazy dare? Like TP'ing Stohn's house in the middle of the night, or streaking?", Jordy asked playfully, "Because in that case, I pick truth"

I laughed then thought of a question for her, "Have you ever been romantically involved with anyone on set?"

I immediately noticed her face turn a light shade of pink. However, she shook her head, "Not exactly, but I've had my fair share of crushes..." She gave a short chuckle.

"ooh, like who?", I asked curiously.

"Hey hey, only one question per turn!", she smirked. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare. As long as _you_don't make me go streaking" I laughed before sipping from the wine glass. I was in too much of a daze ever since Jordy had invited me in, to even question how she being only 17 had gotten her hands on an expensive bottle of wine.

"Hmm", she tapped her chin amusingly, trying to think of a good dare. "I dare you to prank call your current crush"

I tried not to look too freaked by that. "U-Um... I don't have her number", I said quickly. It was true. I didn't have Jordy's number.

But instead of shooting down my lame excuse, all I heard was Jordy ask, "Her?"

My eyes widened slightly. I was about to quickly correct my 'mistake' and say "I meant _he_", but for some reason, I didn't. I just nodded slowly, "Uh, y-yeah... _**Her**_"

Jordy raised both her brows in surprise, "Oh. . . I didn't know you were- I mean- Yeah", she sipped at her drink to shut herself up while she was ahead.

I laughed a bit at her short rant. "Yeah. . . You're actually the first person I've admitted that to"

"Oh, I'm the only one who knows?", she said looking a bit flattered.

I nodded, "Yep. . . "

"So, um. . . Are you a lesbian, or?"

"Pansexual, I guess", I said with a nod.

"How long have you known?," she inquired looking genuinely interested.

"I've always known I was attracted to just... People. I just never gave it a label until now. A label never seemed very important to me, you know?"

She nodded in understanding, "That makes sense. Labels don't make much of a difference in the end"

I nodded along with her in agreement. "So, for the record... You're straight, right?"

The brunette hesitated, "Uh... Sure, let's go with that"

() () ()  
_**  
**'Sure, let's go with that'_

_What did that even mean? Was she in denial? A little bi-curious? Those five words were making my head spin._

_WHAT IS LIFE, SARAH?!_

_I DON'T KNOW, SARAH. I DON'T KNOW._

_M'kay, mental breakdown over. But, if she wasn't straight. . . Maybe I actually had a chance with her. Or at least, sometime in the future when she was_

_out. And when I was out. . ._

_Why did sexuality have to be so confusing. Why couldn't people just be happy with whoever they wanted without being questioned? Or having to question themselves?_

() () ()

We soon ran out of truth or dare ideas of our own. And we were both fully aware it'd be awkward talking without any pathetic games to keep a conversation going. So Jordy ended up downloading a Truth or Dare app on her phone to formulate the questions and dares for us. Jordy had clicked on the setting for Truth or Dare: The Dirty Edition, but we were too tipsy at this point to realize her mistake. For the most part, we did more laughing than actually participating in the game. We were mainly just laughing at the crazy dares:

_Get a banana and make things hot!_

_Bite Jordy's ass._

_Lick maple syrup off of Sarah's stomach._

I could feel that my face was beat red from both laughing and blushing; more so the latter. I drank some more to loosen up. Maybe if I was a little more drunk, my face would stop looking like a tomato ...Drunk logic. Don't ask.

My next dare read:

_Makeout with Jordy for 30 seconds._

We both looked at the screen, then up at one another. I expected her to laugh at the dare like we both did with all the other ones. But this time, she just looked at me like she was waiting for me to make my move. Even in my drunkenness, I was crazy nervous. I clicked the timer on the app, then leaned my face in toward hers slowly until I met her lips. Our lips slowly moved in sync with each other. I placed my hand on her cheek, adding the slightest bit of tongue. And to my surprise, she kissed back the same. If it weren't for me actually remembering this was just part of a game, I wouldn't have pulled away. But I did, only to glance from her and quickly down at the timer that now read 1 minute, 6 seconds. Looks like we'd surpassed 30 seconds. Our eyes met again and I gave a slight intoxicated giggle as she smiled shyly.

We continued our game. Jordy's next dare read:

_French Sarah's neck for 30 seconds._

Before I knew it her face had swooped down to my neck. She left short sloppy kisses, before lightly sucking on the sensitive skin. I bit my lip, fighting to not let a single moan escape my mouth. But the battle was lost when I felt her gently nip at a spot right below my ear. She stopped suddenly and I heard Jordy whisper, "I don't wanna play this game anymore..."

My heart sank. Until she lifted her face to look at me. "I-I want it to be real...", and before I could utter a single word of response, our lips were acquainted once again.

() () ()

Her ribcage.

Spine.

Hip bones.

It was unnatural how they stuck out. As our tongues danced and our lips melded, my hands roamed down her sides and under her shirt. Had she always been this thin? I felt her pull away and she quirkily smiled down at me.

"You're too skinny" Apparently, drunken me was brutally honest.

Jordy just laughed, still laying flat on top of me, "There's no such thing as _too skinny"_

I furrowed my brows. There was something very wrong, yet very familiar about that statement. But I was too intoxicated to put my finger on it. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Jordy finally sat up and I did the same. "Sure", she replied.

"Umm... You have pretty hair"

She beamed. "You have pretty hair too!" she ran her fingers through my yellow locks.

I smiled nervously, "Thanks!... But that's not my secret. I got too scared to tell you my real one...", I bit my lip and stared down at my hands.

Jordy encircled both her arms around my waist and leaned her head on my shoulder. "Don't be scared. Just tell meee"

I leaned my head down on hers and gently played with her hair. "Promise we'll still be friends after I tell you?"

"I promise...," she said tiredly, closing her eyes.

"I don't have your number..."

"...So?" she half-opened her eyes and glanced up at me.

**"You're my crush. . ."  
**  
I got no response... I could almost taste the rejection. Or maybe that was the bad aftertaste of the wine?

Then I heard her snore.

( )

**A/N: Hello, lovies! I hope you enjoyed chapter 4. Obviously, they were very ooc. But alcohol does that lol. **

**Anywho, please review! Constructive criticism is welcome. Unless it's anything like "You suck, please stop writing". Because then I'll cry. M'kay, now I'm just ranting. But seriously, review please :3**


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